If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You ruined the universe
Randomize
