you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize