I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
