I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
