Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
