Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
