I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize