note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Enjoy the penises
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
