Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
