Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
