Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
