What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize