Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
