Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
