i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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