I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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