He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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