come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
