just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
