I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
