I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
