Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
