NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
