I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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