Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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