In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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