after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I love you. Go after that dick
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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