When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
