I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
