He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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