I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
