your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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