Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
accomplished twins. life is a go
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize