sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
