We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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