A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
