Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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