he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
