Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
birth control should be required to get into college
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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