I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
