Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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