ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Small penises have feelings too.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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