my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
