I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
