I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
