also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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