Whod you bang
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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