Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm sobbing to NWA
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
