Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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