THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize