She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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