Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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