Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
