@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
