I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
