The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
