he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
