Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Who did Billy Mays play for?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
