Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
